Relationship with A Sex Addict

What is Sex Addiction?

Contrary to what some people think, sex addiction extends far beyond simply having the desire to have sex often. It’s not an excuse for bad behavior and infidelity, but rather a common form of behavioral addiction that can quickly deteriorate an individual’s quality of life.

What is normally a harmless, pleasurable act can become a compulsion for some people. Similar to dependence on substances like alcohol or drugs, the individual is constantly preoccupied with sex and compulsively engages in sexual acts.

It’s also important to note that sex addiction and addiction to substances frequently are seen together as well. This is because, like most addictions, it is fueled by the desire to escape emotional discomfort.

Not only is sex addiction harmful to a person’s mental health, but it can also take over their life, leading to numerous other problems both personally and professionally.

When it spirals out of control, sex addiction can result in job loss, debt, neglected relationships, and even trouble with the law.

It’s often difficult to diagnose since it can manifest itself in a variety of different ways. This can include excessive use of pornography, exhibitionism, performing sexual acts in public, excessive masturbation, or soliciting prostitutes – among many others.

The truth is that the signs can be hard to recognize, especially since most men won’t admit they have a problem until they’re caught.

However, here is a summary of signs you should look out for:

• Engaging in risky or inappropriate behaviour (sex with prostitutes, unsafe sex, public nudity, etc)
• Falling behind on responsibilities with work and/or around the house
• Neglecting their social life and favourite hobbies
• Signs of anxiety, depression, or shame around their sexual urges
• Cheating on their partners
• Excessive masturbation

Other common behavioral addictions include gambling, shopping, and food addictions. Despite what even some doctors still believe, sex addiction is no less valid. For someone to get relief from the addiction, they need to receive treatment just like they would with alcohol or drugs.

Is Sex Addiction the Same as Love Addiction?

Love and sex addiction are different, however, they have many similarities.

Love addiction is another form of behavioral addiction that manifests itself when the individual acts out by compulsively seeking the feeling of romance, seduction, and falling in love.

While this may sound harmless to some, the emotional despair that comes along with it is extremely harmful to both the individual and any intimate partners they get involved with.

Despite desperately yearning to find “the one”, love addicts find it difficult or impossible to do so.

This is because they’re more attracted to the intense rush that comes with seducing someone and falling in love rather than committing to a healthy, stable relationship.

Love addicts often resort to guilt, manipulation, and using sex to seduce a romantic partner because they can’t bear the thought of being alone.

However, once that euphoric feeling of “the chase” wears off, the love addict immediately starts to seek romance elsewhere.

Can A Sex Addict Love Someone?

For people who suspect sex addiction is present in their relationship, one of the most commonly asked questions is “Can a sex addict love someone?”

This is understandable since one of the most common misconceptions is that sex addicts aren’t capable of love. However, if you’re in a relationship with a sex addict, you’ll be happy to find out that’s nothing more than a myth.

Despite frequent intimacy issues, sex addicts are perfectly capable of loving their partners. It’s important to keep in mind that, while many sex addicts can have loving relationships, they will still act out with unhealthy infatuations and often engage in risky encounters.

Sex Addiction in a Relationship: Can it Work?

If you’re dating or in a relationship with a sex addict, you likely have concerns about whether or not the relationship can work out in the long run.

Despite often having the best intentions, many sex addicts find it hard or even impossible to stay faithful to their partners.

Love addiction and affairs also go hand-in-hand because the individual may engage in frequent unhealthy passion-related behaviors. For that reason, it can be difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with someone who has a love and sex addiction without them seeking treatment.

However, it’s important not to jump to the conclusion that someone you’re dating is or will be unfaithful to you.

Many sex addicts will find other outlets and are therefore able to stay committed to their partners without having multiple lovers. It’s important to not make assumptions about your husband or partner as every situation is unique.

The excessive use of pornography, in a relationship is a perfect example of a different avenue a sex addict may use rather than cheating on their partner.

That doesn’t mean that the relationship will be free of other problems, such as lying, neglect, or recklessly spending money to fuel the irresistible need for sex. You need to assess whether you think the relationship is worth continuing.

If you do a quick Google search for “partners of sex addicts resources” or “dating a sex addict relationship advice”, you’ll discover how common it is to be dating a sex addict.

Since sex and love addiction is so complicated and misunderstood, education through online resources or support groups can help you get a better understanding of your partner and what fuels their behavior.

The Pros and Cons of Being With A Sex Addict

If you are still having trouble deciding if a relationship with a sex addict can work, continue reading to compare the pros and cons and see if the positives outweigh the negatives for your situation.

Pros:

• Treatment is available for sex addicts and recovery is possible
• You and your partner will both change and grow in the recovery process
• If you are still in love and both willing to work on it, you can salvage your relationship
• Your partner, once in recovery, may become very aware and respectful of situations that could be uncomfortable for you
• Your relationship has the potential to become stronger in the end

Cons:

• It can be hard to regain trust in your partner
• You may experience lingering effects of the trauma
• The road to recovery from sex addiction is ongoing
• Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) may be a concern if there is infidelity
• Sexual intimacy may need to be taken off the table for a while altogether for your safety and to help them recover
• Without treatment and recovery, you and your partner may both be at risk

Can Women Be Sex Addicts?

“Do girls get addicted to sex?”

If you’ve found yourself wondering that lately, the answer is yes.

Just like men, women can also develop an unhealthy compulsion obsession with sex. So why is it that sex addiction is primarily viewed as a male problem in our society?

A major reason is because of the way men are portrayed in the media – male celebrities cheating on their wives, men going to strip clubs, men hiring prostitutes, and everything else you’re bombarded with in the news.

Yet, despite female sex addiction rarely being talked about, it’s equally as real and devastating.

Female Sex Addict Definition

Female sex addiction is much more than a woman who enjoys and has a lot of sex. Female sex addicts will find themselves obsessing over and engaging in compulsive sex to achieve a “fix”, similar to the feeling an alcoholic gets from having a drink.

For women, compulsive sexual behaviour is often about control, power, attention, or seeking more intimacy. However, men often have very little emotional involvement when it comes to sexual acts. In fact, it’s often used to avoid intimacy.

At the core, female and male sex addiction is the same. Regardless of gender, the person experiencing it obsesses over sex and fantasies, engages in dangerous and destructive sexual acts, may experience a decline in their physical and mental health, and is unable to stop despite the consequences it has on their personal or professional life.

What Are the Signs and Symptoms My Wife or Girlfriend is Addicted to Sex?

If your wife or girlfriend is a sex addict, there are signs and symptoms you should look out for, such as:

• Obsessing over sex, with little time for other activities
• Engaging in multiple affairs outside of your relationship
• Consistently engaging in online sex, phone sex, or sexting
• Compulsive masturbation or viewing pornography
• Lying to cover up her behaviour
• Mood swings or anger when sex isn’t available
• Shame or regret surrounding the sexual acts
• Experiencing negative personal and professional consequences
• Inability to stop the compulsive behaviour

As mentioned previously, men can also have these signs present when they develop a sex addiction. There are many similarities even across genders, because at the core they are all experiencing sex addiction.

“My Boyfriend/Girlfriend is Sex Addict”

Numerous women and men have come to us saying “My boyfriend has a sex addiction” or “My girlfriend is a sex addict. What should I do?”

If you believe your partner is a sex addict, the first step is to sit down and have an honest conversation with them.

If infidelity was involved, do your best not to act out in anger, despite any devastation or rage you may be feeling. Like any other addiction, your partner may feel completely powerless over their actions to an extent.

While you may feel angry, hurt, and resentful, the first step is to try to support your partner as best you can.

Inevitably, both partners suffer within the relationship. Despite the pain that the addiction causes, partners of sex addicts must realize that it’s a serious condition.

If you need help with managing your feelings surrounding your boyfriend or girlfriend’s addiction, speaking to a therapist or other professional can be beneficial for you as well.

Tips for Processing Your Partner’s Sex Addiction

Upon discovering your partner’s addiction, it’s common to go through a period of shock, followed by stages of grief or ambivalence. The range of emotions you feel is completely normal, however, always try your best to not become hostile.

Many partners of sex addicts experience ongoing symptoms of PTSD, such as flashbacks or re-experiencing the trauma, inability to concentrate at work, numbing their own sexuality, and being hypervigilant or constantly on edge with their partner’s behaviour. That’s why PTSD treatment and partner of sex addict help can be an incredible step to healing.

Also, joining a support group, speaking to a therapist, and confiding in a trusted friend or family member can also help you process your emotions in a healthy way.

When dealing with a sex addict partner, remember that they use sex as an outlet for them to cope with other issues in their life. Co-occuring depression and anxiety are very commonly seen among sex addicts, as well as other forms of substance abuse.

Their behaviour is in no way a reflection of you or of something lacking in your relationship – it’s a coping mechanism to suppress emotions.

Your Options: Staying With or Leaving a Sex Addict

Do you love your partner? If you can truly still picture a future with them, then it may be worth trying to work things out.

Of course, it will depend on the extent of the damage that has already been caused. You also have to ask yourself if it’s possible for them to earn your trust back over time.

In the end, the decision to stay or leave a sex addict should be based on whether or not your partner is willing and ready to get help. Staying with a sex addict who can’t admit they have a problem will only result in more lies, secrecy, and continuing the same destructive behaviour patterns.

Remember, not everyone is cut out to deal with sexual addiction issues in a relationship, even if they do get help. If you decide to leave your partner, this is perfectly acceptable. Never blame yourself for their actions, as it’s important to take care of your own mental wellbeing first.

Remember, You Don’t Have to Go Through It Alone

Addiction affects everyone it touches, which is why we have treatment available for both you and your partner at Trafalgar Addiction Treatment Centres.

Contact us today to find out how our virtual outpatient or inpatient treatment program can help you navigate the challenges of being the partner of sex addict and reclaim your life.